Who are you?
JB: My name is John M. Behrens. I'm forced to use my middle initial because my parents didn't have the foresight to think that "hey, maybe at some point in his life, this kid will have to somehow differentiate himself from his father, who probably won't want to be remotely associated with him anyways."
Where, exactly, is 4 miles north of nowhere?
JB: nowhere about 60 miles west of st. louis, on a two lane highway. Then you go 4 miles north of that. See the concept?
Where do you sleep?
JB: I own, carry, and know how to operate a firearm, creeper Because I'm from Ger- Nowhere. I meant nowhere.
Why did you use the Coca-Cola font in your blog?
JB: Because I live off the stuff. If heaven's streets are paved with gold, it rains Coke Zero. Angels pee Coke Zero. Coca-Cola is the corporate entity of God. Coke, if you're reading this, ignore the sacrilegious references and give me money. Please.
Why are you writing a blog?
JB: Because I have no social life, thus, nothing better to do.
Why did you write this in interview format? It's obnoxious.
JB: Because it made me feel important.
What's your favorite type
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